Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
