i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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