We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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