we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
