Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
