Swine flu. Run for my life!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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