update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
