And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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