I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
