i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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