i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
