Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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