Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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