He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Alive.
So much puke
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
