Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
