honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
