Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
