I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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