Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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