she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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