Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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