I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
