My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
