why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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