Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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