Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
