I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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