What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
