great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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