he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
