from now on my penis is your penis
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
