I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just invented taco cereal.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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