Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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