hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
