did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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