And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
