I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
