I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
