i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
