just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
