Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
