your room smells of hookers.
And success
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
