I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
