Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do vagina's smell?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
