She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
