im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
