Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
