You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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