Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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