Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
