i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
