you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
