But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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